The Confidence Builder
It's actually simple
Every trail runner knows this simple truth: Volume beats intensity.
Confidence grows the same way. You don’t need massive wins. You need consistent lightweight reps that say, “I do what I said I’d do.”
Two tips to get the confidence ball rolling:
Simple wins: “I’ll run the first five minutes of this climb.”
Sure-fire intentions: Name the rep before you start. Clarity builds trust.
You create a flywheel of confidence when you choose intentions you can actually win. Soon, the reps that once felt out of reach become the simple ones.
I’m experiencing this right now. For years I told myself I wanted to build something that helps runners find joy in their running. I had many ideas: a confidence journal, trail running camps, an app, coaching. I always began, but I also stopped again just as quickly (besides this newsletter of course).
This time it feels different. I started small. I talked to other runners. I looked for the overlap between their struggles and the way I can genuinely help with my skills and thinking. Then something clicked. For the past month I’ve been doing the work. Day after day. Small wins. And suddenly the idea of creating something that actually sees the light of day feels inevitable.
You never know where a new beginning will lead, but I can tell you this: you gain a lot of confidence when you do the things you say you will do.
How can I trouble shoot this self flagellation? I have listened to tons of psychology things and am quite self aware where my thoughts are being created from.
Hard Choices Easy Life, Easy Choices Hard Life sums a lot about what goes for everyone's life. I myself am self aware that the life I am living is on total automation, there is no autonomous decision making I hold for myself as I didn't move outside my parent's house, which leads to they generally have a say in everything which is kind of default for their generation. A ruckus get created everyday for small bit of things which impacts everybody's day both in personal and professional which leads to a lot of stress and anxiety leading to poor focus & effort allocation throughout the whole day leading to mediocre efforts which will lead to mediocre or no result in the future.
I have said to myself that I need to move out from here, it will good for my personal growth, professionally as well and good for my family's overall health as well. I don't want to be dictated by my family in my 30's, when will I develop the skill of decision making the. I see almost 99% of people are living superficial lives even with their partners, they are not blunt about they want to speak or be who they are. Decisions are being made everywhere in some kind of peer pressure, even when I see they say we love each other a lot but then I see their decisions where the pressure gets seen mounted by one partner on the other. We are not living, our bodies are alive. Till date I haven't been around a human who has the skill of extreme ownership meaning they take onus of everything in their lives, I am surrounded by people blaming other people, government, their extended family for some or the other thing. And I see myself being turned into that over the last 27 years I have been alive, from the last couple of months I have changed every bit of narration that goes in my mind where I say to my parents that because of you people I had to pursue law and now I am doomed. But now I flipped the script, I take ownership & accountability of almost everything, I blame myself because I need to develop this skill to improve my life right now and for the upcoming times as well. Blaming others won't ever help me, in every situation if we think deeply we could have done better in that circumstance if we had the decision making skill. I don't see around me people with rational decision making skills as well.
I could surrender right now and say to myself that fuck everything and join your father's business. But I am revolting against my life because I know it as easy decision to join the business but only in the present. If I look it from ten thousand foot view, I know this is not what I want. I have to stand up for myself and take decisions that I want to and not what other people expect of me.
My personal perspective about everything seems different. My parents don't understand and I have a rift about almost everything when we sit together. And they keep on saying you haven't done anything successfully till date, you better shut the fuck up and don't teach us what is better in our lives and many other things. All of this has led to I feel like I should not take for any kind of help from anyone and I a big time fraud which I know is just a construct in my mind and not a reality.
I belong to a collective family so here is a notion that our parents give everything to their children in terms of house, assets, gold and many other things as well. Now I feel like I don't want anything from them even though I have to struggle in the long term to build wealth on my own terms. Down the line, when I will be 45 or 50 I can't live in their house as my internal monologue will say this isn't your house as you haven't done anything, this is your father's hard work. My other friends are presently living in their parent's house but they don't feel like this. I don't how to extract this from my cognition as all of these things are creating a ruckus in mind mentally and emotionally which is leading to mediocre productivity as well while doing anything.