Sometimes Things Just Suck

On why setbacks are enriching the human experience

It pains me to say that I already knew what was going to happen when I stepped into the emergency room. A quick chat about what happened. An x-ray. Waiting for a bit, hoping it’s not a fracture but just a sprain. Hearing the doctor confirm my hope. Or not.

Last year I fractured my left wrist twice. Both times bad luck.

One stone that gave way on a flat route I had run a thousand times before, catching me off guard around a corner.

One stone that I caught with my toe while enjoying the view over the Mediterranean Sea, running with a friend on Mallorca.

I have broken…

Life Is Unpredictable

And yesterday? Cycling home from my physio appointment. Still early. Icy roads. I’d gone the same way on the way out. On the way back it seems I oversaw an icy spot. Was going straight and just lost traction, crashing on my right side. The feeling in my wrist was an unwanted kind of recognisable.

This time it seems to not be a fracture. I say seems because they identified a small chip that might indicate one, but it could also be something I was born with. Another control x-ray in a few days will tell. Until then? Luckily just a splint and not a full cast.

But today isn’t about philosophizing about bad luck, self-pity, or anything like that. Today is about the phases I go through when I hit a setback. And what you might be able to take from that.

Embrace The Suck

With my hip just starting to feel normal again I began being optimistic. Longer runs on the weekends. More time outdoors. And then, a short moment where things don’t go as planned and your plans are completely different.

I was angry. Mostly at myself. I embrace things that suck inward. I scream loud… in my mind. I hate everything… in my mind. I blame myself for not paying enough attention… in my mind.

The important part is to let this happen. Not to fight it.

I think there are two extremes when it comes to how we deal with these moments. On one side there is completely giving in on everything we feel and thinking this is how it is now. On the other side there is skimming over those emotions, pushing them away, and going straight into problem-solving mode. The truth for me lies somewhere in between. I have to feel what the situation stirred up in me. I have to let it happen. But I also have to know that there is an end to it.

Today it sucks. I feel it. I hate it. Everything.

But I let it suck. I feel everything. It’s tension that needs a release. And it needs to happen before I can move to the next step.

The Way Out

As all of the above already happened yesterday, I’m right at this step now. For me, a day of sitting with those thoughts and feelings is enough. I know there is not much more value in staying there longer.

So I go into a productive mode. I look at all the things I thought and felt. And I simply write them down. Which, by the way, is incredibly hard for a right-handed person with a splint on the same hand.

I write down how I feel. What I think. No filter. Afterwards there is a shift: I reframe my thoughts. Thoughts only hold as much power as we give them space.

Here’s the thing. I can think it was my own fault. That doesn’t make it true though. It’s nobody’s fault. Could I have been more careful? Maybe. Am I certain it wouldn’t have happened either way? No. I can’t be.

I can acknowledge that I was angry at myself. That doesn’t mean I have to carry that thought with me forever. It’s often a great idea to do this kind of reflection with some distance to the event. You know yourself best and probably know quite well when you are receptive for this step.

I for myself try to lock in a time or date for this reflection pretty early. Not because I have it all figured out, but because it keeps me from getting lost in step one. Feel it, but know you have a planned exit.

The Story

You know, if I hadn’t hurt my wrist yesterday I wouldn’t have a great hook for today’s newsletter. What I’m writing about wouldn’t feel nearly as relatable either. We all have our moments of suck. That’s a human experience we all share.

Experiencing a setback and deciding to come out of it with a learning and some takeaway takes strength. But at the same time, when something like this happens to someone you care about, you can relate. You can offer a perspective. You can show empathy. Not because you read about it in a book, but because you lived your own version of it.

People that never show a weakness aren’t people we connect deeply with. It’s often the ones that open up and share their own experience that make you feel seen in your worries and your own lived experience.

Stories connect us. And stories never include just a happy ending. That wouldn’t be a story. That would be a boring story.

Every setback comes with a learning. Growth. New perspectives. They shape us and they shape others. And sharing them is important for one simple reason: when someone lived through a story you can relate to, it might just help you get to the happy ending yourself.

So next time someone you care about hits their own version of a crash on ice, you’ll have something real to offer. Not advice from a book. Not a motivational quote. But a lived experience that says: I know what this feels like. And I know there’s a way through it.

But that only works if you actually do the work. If you feel it, reflect on it, and come out of it with something. That’s the real reason to not skip the phases. Not just for yourself. But for the people around you who might need your story one day.

So let me ask you: what’s a setback you worked through that might help someone else down the road?

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Switched apps? Left a coach? Changed approach because life got messy? I’m building something for runners like you and want to listen. Would love a chat!