How You Talk To Yourself Matters

AKA I'm way too mean to myself.

Never would I talk to somebody the way I talk to myself. It would not even come to mind to reject ideas bluntly, talk others down, or laugh at their attempts to try a new thing. Yet, this is what my inner dialogue looks like most of the time.

Confidence doesn’t come easy for me. It’s understandable why not when all I hear about myself is negative feedback.

So here is my plan to change it and build myself up rather than tearing myself down.

Be Aware

I sound like a broken record but everything starts with even realising that you talk that way to yourself. In short, you have to be aware of how you talk to yourself.

This isn’t as easy as it sounds, after all, you have probably been accompanied by that mean voice for a long time.

Also, it’s incredibly nuanced. You might think you don’t have negative self-talk because you know you don’t shit-talk yourself. It can already start with setting low expectations for yourself. You may not be good at climbing because you think you are weak. Now you downplayed your abilities and already started the activity with a preconceived notion about your abilities.

That is how I often start my races. I downplay what I can do. I want to go with the people ahead of me, but I don’t. I tell myself that I’m definitely not as fit as they are. They look stronger. They express confidence. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a worried mind. Wondering if I should step back a few lines in the starting block.

Once the gun goes off I’m slowly working my way up the field. From my understanding today, it is a telltale sign that I sell myself short.

I could be more confident.

Be Your Own Biggest Fan

It sounds so cliche but you should be your biggest fan. You should celebrate what you achieve. You should be proud of doing your best day after day. The famous saying “comparison is the thief of joy” is true. Most of our negative self-talk stems from comparison. It looks at yourself in comparison to what you think others do or have.

I’m not very confident because I know there are others that train way more. Does this mean I shouldn’t celebrate what I do consistently? For sure not! I should be able to be proud of my training no matter what others do. I should also be able to be proud when I make a wise decision and cut my training short because some injury creeps up. Thinking in favour of the long-term dream of running till I hit the grave. What are a few days on the bike in a timeframe of (hopefully) many years to come?

I love the easy way to go about hyping yourself up: Take an outsider's view of yourself. Tell yourself what you would tell your best friend, spouse or sibling. You would build them up. You would give honest advice and emotional support. You would be loving. Be loving to yourself.

I admit quite easily that this is a hard task for me. I’m harsh to myself. I’m not to others. I need to internalise this. And this is how I will do it.

Visualisation

It’s a powerful tool. Visualising what there is not in reality. As you probably know, your mind can’t distinguish fact from fiction. So build your world of confidence.

Sit down and record yourself painting a scene of confidence: at the start line of a race, before a hard workout, when the weather is bad, during phases of setbacks. Visualise how you would feel on your best day. Draw from memories of when you had an incredible day outdoors.

We are often stuck in a state where we think everything sucks but we forget that it wasn’t always that way. We all have experiences where we overcame, improved and learned. Draw on those. Use them as your way to a more confident self.

And then do the simple act of visualising how you feel, talk to yourself, your body language and the calm within yourself. Practice this daily-ish and you probably will realise a shift in your confidence soon.

I’m sure I will.

I have a theory that it’s often what we spend the most time thinking about that we foster. So think of the one time you weren’t confident often and you become this person. I don’t think you have to necessarily work out the issue that you had back then. I believe when you surround yourself with positivity and excitement those issues start to fade away.

I will find out if this is the way but I will try to keep my awareness high to not indulge myself in negative self-talk anymore.  I hope you are inspired to do the same.

Learn to be your own biggest fan … and then use that energy to build up others around you!

---

Fun fact for regular readers: I wrote this in 30 minutes… Funny how one week you completely struggle and the next you know exactly what you want to express.